dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
