ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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