It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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