Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
