im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
