allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
