i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
