I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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