From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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