I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize