I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize