Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
