my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
