Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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