Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
