I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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