if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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