I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
