I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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