Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
