So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
