after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
