nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
