I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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