I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
