So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
whose parrot is this?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
