Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
