At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
