if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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