Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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