What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
