Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
