so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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