i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize