The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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