this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
