theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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