yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Come see our sink grown plant.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
