I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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