Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
