My Higher Power is John Stamos
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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