She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
not ubering you a puppy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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