C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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