considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize