ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
