Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
