don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
