Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
