Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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