guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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