That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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