do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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