Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
