before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize