capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
