Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
