Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
