we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
