he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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