Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize