I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
