i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize