Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
