dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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