other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
