She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
