This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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