He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
