That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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