I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
