he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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