Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
