508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
