i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize