look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wish there were birth control emojis
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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