Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
