yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
