I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
