Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
