why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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