were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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