she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i came on her dog
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize