We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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