lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
