the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
