whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
