So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
