Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
