do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
