Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I could fuck to npr.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
