I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
