When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
