I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
