My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
