you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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