I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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