So drunk, too bad you don't want this
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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