Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
