Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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